Sometimes, when you’re unsure of what next step to take, the best thing to do, is to stop...
After my recent ‘David experience’, I’ve gingerly attempted to interact with other men romantically, with no great success. I’ve asked my closest circles if romance is perhaps dead…? It seems that gone are the days of red roses and love songs, and enter stage left the breath taking effort of a text message that simply says (wait for it…) “hey”. Insert face palm emoji here…
I’m in the fortunate position of having an army of wonderfully supportive, loving and truly fierce women in my life. I am practically drowning in them. In no way do I mean to sound ungrateful, for without them, I don’t know how I would make it through daily life. However, I miss the days of my misspent youth where that same army was a bunch of smelly rocker dudes who I would drink beer and play pool with, laugh at smutty jokes and discuss which band we would see play that weekend.
We all require a certain amount of balance in our lives of who we spend time with, and whilst Mr Fiorella presents himself (read: I’m in a self imposed dating hiatus), it seems the Universe has heard my plea for masculine energy. I have some amazing brothers who have come (or come back) into my life. Whilst not one is based in my city, I know that I could call each of them in their time zone and be truly supported.
It’s often debated whether friendship with a member of the opposite sex can work. Lines can blur or unrequited affections can become increasingly painful over time. I’ve found it’s best to be upfront and draw a clear line in the sand from early on and take that person as they are (this is in fact the secret to any relationship). For me, spending time with males who I’ve no intention of becoming involved with is an incredibly healing way of delving into that yang energy, without getting burned.
Two of my favourite ‘brother’s from other mother’s’ came into my life in completely different ways, yet I trust them both implicitly and feel that they see a slightly different side to me than my girlfriends do.
Jerry* and I met through my best friend, who insisted that I contact him when I moved for a spell to London last year. Although we’d met before, it took hearing his Aussie twang in that lonely, grey city to see clearly the warmth and sincerity that flew out of his every pore. The fact that he had a girlfriend and I was in the early days of a troubled relationship made it easy for us to move straight into the friend’s zone and never look back.
Spending time together was as easy as breathing, and the more abusive and torturous things turned with my former flame, the more pissed off Jerry became. I found it so sweet (still do) how frustrating he found my some what questionable choices in men. He became a haven for me during one of the worst times in my life, with no close friends or family around me, and that loyalty is something I’ll never forget. Our online chats are hilarious (with lots of Aussie slang) and we always catch up for dumplings when he’s back in town. My favourite part of our friendship? He’s offered to be my personal ‘dating app’ for guy advice and approval when choosing a new partner. It comes in very handy and I truly wonder if he’s lived to regret that offer…!
The Ex Boyfriend
Michael* is my favourite ex boyfriend. I’ve never felt all my complex parts so seen, heard and understood as they were with him. Working together at an advertising agency 10 years ago, we struck up a close friendship straight away. Whilst my eyes were focused on all the ‘shiny peacocks’ in our department, he became my safe place at work and eventually after hours too. I remember sitting on some rocks at the beach late one night, when he confessed his feelings towards me. His persistence paid off and we dated for close to a year. Once the relationship ended and the dust had settled a bit, to our mutual surprise, we became best friends. We would tell each other about our romantic escapades and bond over music, movies, books, art and philosophy.
Things took a strange turn, and we found ourselves becoming friends with benefits. Neither of us wanted to be in a relationship with the other again, but we were so familiar and connected, that it was the best of both worlds. As they often do, this arrangement came to a grinding halt when I decided I just couldn’t take the pain and confusion anymore. Over the years we drifted apart, lost touch and this saddened us both. It’s my belief that all relationships go through different stages of healing and incarnations, as people grow and evolve.
After reconnecting on Facebook a few years back, we’ve been lightly touching base and reconnecting slowly. Recently, we got the urge to have a Skype call and swap stories about my life in Sydney and his in Vienna. I don’t think either one of us was expecting it to last three hours, or for it to feel like no time had passed, or to be able to have a truly healthy friendship once again. He will always have a place in my life, and I in his, for this kind of kindredship does not come along every day.
Let this month’s post serve as an open love letter to all those friends we have of the opposite gender who provide the yin to our yang or yang to our yin. May they know the juiciness and fraternity/sisterhood they bring to our lives, without the complication of love or expectation.
Spiritual, single and searching,
*Brother's names have been changed to protect their identity. Their written consent of this content on Messenger implies that they're ok with what I wrote... I hope...