"I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off." - Ellen DeGeneres
Hello beautiful goddess
How many of us reach for the phone or send a message for help when facing indecision? Have a gut feeling about something, but listen to the advice of others instead? Bend over backwards to try and please everybody, only to find them still unsatisfied with your actions?
From the moment we are born, we are raised to be people pleasers, striving for perfection in all areas of our life. Scholar Brene Brown suggests that many people think of perfectionism as striving to be your best, but it is not about self-improvement; it's about earning approval and acceptance. We all like to be liked, and associate approval as being truly accepted by our 'tribe' of loved ones and peers.
Here's the thing with approval... you can become addicted to that feeling of having done 'the right thing' in the eyes of others, and then eventually wake up one day to a life you don't want or never intended on having.
Seeking approval externally is something you can drop right here, right now, at the end of reading this sentence.
Validation for your choices only needs to come from one person - YOU. And here's why: you're the one living with the end result. Your inner guidance is literally an inbuilt GPS system designed to help you navigate the sometimes turbulent waters of life. Listen to it far more often than you probably do, rather than surveying ten of your closest friends, clipboard at the ready.
I'm not suggesting that you completely disregard the feelings of others, as what we give out comes back to us tenfold. Spiritual teacher Deepak Chopra summarises it best: “If you’re really spiritual, then you should be totally independent of the good and the bad opinions of the world…you should have faith in yourself.”
The best way to approve of your own decisions, is to ask questions in the lead up:
"Does it feel good?"
"Is this the right choice for me?"
"What will this behaviour cost me?"
"What will this behaviour afford me?"
Almost 6 years ago now, I had packed up my bags and was the proud holder of a one way ticket to Paris. One month before leaving, I met an incredibly handsome man who had something about him I couldn't quite put my finger on - but made my heart skip more than a few beats every time I saw him. After one week, we both knew that was more than a fling, and this sent my mind into over drive... I had been saving for the move overseas for so long, and could just taste the croissants on the Champs-Élysées... I spoke with every friend I knew about this dilemma - should I stay put for love?? About 60% said to stay, 40% said to go and expressed how disappointed they were that I would even consider such a thing after all my hard work.
In the end - I went. For about 6 weeks of travel that I already had locked in. My new love picked up from the airport when I came back, and we've been together ever since. Sure, I have had my moments where I wonder what life in Europe would have been like (especially when he gets on my nerves!). But my heart knew from the moment we met that this was the love of my life. And here I am, the one living with the end result. What's right for someone else may be completely wrong for you.
What insights did you gain from today's post? How do you approach self-approval? I would love to hear from you in the comments below. Please also share this post with any sister who would benefit from some soul reflection on listening to their intuition.
Thank you so much for reading this week’s Monday Meditation.
In love and gratitude